You Just Have to Let it Go

For these pas few weeks, I've been struggling inside. Why ? Well, maybe because I realized that my time is almost up. I'll be going to Singapore on July 26th. Meaning,no more hanging out with my friends, and worst....I can't be there with my boyfriend. Since the first time we hooked up, we knew that we're going to have to do long distance relationship, because I'm going to Singapore and he's going to New Zealand. I know that I have to be strong, I suppose to have faith and everything. But the thing about fear, it's just...amazing how fear can get you, makes you doubt everything, makes you pessimistic. So last night, I finally had the chance to talk to my boyfriend about this. And, I just feel enlightened. He reminded me of something that is so important, that I forgot, the most fundamental thing, is that, "you just have to let it go".

Everything in this world, our car, our stuff, our lovers, they're not ours ! They're God's. That's why He can take it away from us anytime He wants. I realized, "why do I have this terrible fears ?", maybe it's because I was holding everything too tight. I felt that that is mine, I fought my way for it, and I deserved it ! Well, I was wrong.

I have to let it go, the more you hold on to something, the more pain you'll have. Like what my boyfriend always said, "Have faith in God, everything is for the best". He's right, even if I won't get what I want, maybe it's for the best. Maybe God has a bigger and better plan for me. And even if my boyfriend and I do not make it in the future, maybe it's for the sake of us too, maybe God has a different plan for us. And there's no point on fighting God's will, believe everyhting is for the best.

The best thing that happened last night was, we made a deal, that if we really do break up in the future, the worst thing we can be is "best friend". I thank him for that. He's so precious to me, but I have to realize that he's not mine. I have to realize that whatever happen in the future, it's for our best.

But that doesn't mean that I won't fight for him, that if one problem come up, I'll just give up, NO ! You to fight for what you love, but you have to know when to quit to. You have to know when it's time to let go.

A lesson well learned, thank you Thomas, and thank you God.

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National Exam

Like every 12th grade student, I also enrolled in the late National Exam, it's compulsary in fact. I have many disappointments on the late National Exam, I practically made a note on Facebook to outleash my rage. I think I'm just going to copy it here. The note is titled, "Ujian Nasional Matematika tingkat SMA/MA 22 April 2009".

I could probably come up with 10 facebook status' just to show you guys how bloody irritating today's Mathematic National Exam was, but I can't post them all, so I thought, why not put them all in a note ? So here we go....

1. I think I'm going to kill Bambang Sudibyo, anybody want to join me ?

2. I could find the answer for all of those fucking questions, I JUST NEED BLOODY MORE TIME !!!

3. When you ask me to search for a variant, didn't you think that 16 numbers are too many ? Oh but wait, I forgot that National Exam purpose in the first place was to torture High School student, so never mind....

4. I thought I was the one who didn't manage to finish the fucking exam, turned out, I wasn't alone, in fact, it was EVERYONE !!!

5. ARE YOU HAPPY BAMBANG SUDIBYO ???!!! It's really fun to torture high school kids, isn't it ? What are you some kind of bloody asshole psychopath ? You got some issues back then with your daddy, huh ?!

6. No point in doing all of those bloody Try Outs if we ended up even worse in the National Exam !

7. Want to know the difference between Try Outs and National Exam ? National Exam is supposed to be EASIER !!!

8. Hey Bambang Sudibyo ! what, you have some kind of death wish ???!!!

9. My sympathy goes to the IPA's students...I know you guys bear a bigger burden and torture than we ( the IPS's students) do...

10. An advice from Bambang Sudibyo, or whoever made this fucking math test, IT'S A TWO HOUR TEST !!! Students are human, not a bloody robot who can work on one question in a minute ! Next time, try easier and simpler questions or at least GIVE US MORE TIME !!!

This is an additional point....

It's not that WE DIDN'T STUDY HARD, in fact, WE DID STUDY....REALLY HARD !!! The test was not that difficult too, I can say that I could find the answer to all of the questions IF I HAD MORE TIME. So whoever read this note, mind that it's not our fault, for we have study really hard, and we have done our best. It's the matter of the complication of the questions, they required MUCH TIME to work on. Conclusion ? back to my point number 10, either you make a SIMPLER questions or GIVE US MORE TIME !!!

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I have a boyfriend now !

I would like to start my comeback by updating my relationship status. I know it's late, since the event was actually happened in February, but what the heck. So, if you've read my blog, you know that I've posted one or two articles about this guy, and now that he's my boyfriend, I think I can say it out loud that the guy's name is Thomas.

Jeez, quite a history I have with this guy. Almost 1 and a half year. We started out as friends, then became best friends and so on. I was waiting for so long, and now my wait is over. He confessed to me about his feelings on February 9th 2009. It's the day when we became boyfriend and girlfriend. My happiest day so far.

And now, we have been in a relationship for almost 4 months. I'm very happy, he's always there for me, and he's just such a nice guy. I love him, and although we will be apart for the next 4 years, I hope that our relationship will last.

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I'm Back

Wow it's really been a long time. I was so busy with exams and everyhthing, I seemed to forgot about my blog. Well, it's holiday now, and I think it's time to pay my debt. Where should I begin ? So many things to tell...

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