Long Distance Relationship

Long Distance Relationship...*sigh*...Jeezz, about 3 or 4 months ago that was probably the phrase that I dreaded so much. The thought of not being there with my boyfriend, the thought of goodbye, the thought of losing communication and everything. I dreaded everything about LDR. Hmm, but now, as time passes by, as I'm going through this "Long Distance Relationship"....well, I think it's not that bad :)

Sure I can't be with my boyfriend, sure now I am not be able to do A LOT OF THINGS together with my boyfriend anymore, definitely sure we are APART, exactly continents and 4 hour time difference apart, but hey, all of those things are just the tip of the iceberg. Everything is about perspective, when you look at LDR that way, and I mean the sad I-can't-be-with-my-boyfriend or we're-apart cry-cry-cry, trust me, you won't even survive 1 month of LDR.

How about we look at things this way. Yes, I can't be with him, but I can still talk to him, I can still see his face everyday on Skype-Video Call. In fact, I AM GRATEFUL. Out of everything, I still have the opportunity and resources to see his face everyday. Not everyone can get that kind of opportunity. I mean, back in the old days, couples have to survive LDR only with letters, telegrams, and emails (as the technology progressed. Hell, now I can TALK and SEE his face through Video Call, that's a big thing ! I mean, compared to the old days, I'm lucky, very lucky.

Yes, we'll be apart. But maybe, us being apart is what make us stronger. Being apart will trial your loyalty, your patient and your love for your boy/girlfriend. Maybe after all of this ends, after we finally can be together, our relationship will be stronger than ever. Why ? because we have survived such big obstacle like LDR, if we can survive it, maybe we are meant to be together.

And the thing about LDR, you can not live with in complaints. Just be grateful for what you have, be patient and be loyal and as loving as ever to your boy/girlfriend.

And BELIEVE, believe that everything will be better in time. Believe in you boy/girlfriend, and more importantly, believe in God.

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You Just Have to Let it Go

For these pas few weeks, I've been struggling inside. Why ? Well, maybe because I realized that my time is almost up. I'll be going to Singapore on July 26th. Meaning,no more hanging out with my friends, and worst....I can't be there with my boyfriend. Since the first time we hooked up, we knew that we're going to have to do long distance relationship, because I'm going to Singapore and he's going to New Zealand. I know that I have to be strong, I suppose to have faith and everything. But the thing about fear, it's just...amazing how fear can get you, makes you doubt everything, makes you pessimistic. So last night, I finally had the chance to talk to my boyfriend about this. And, I just feel enlightened. He reminded me of something that is so important, that I forgot, the most fundamental thing, is that, "you just have to let it go".

Everything in this world, our car, our stuff, our lovers, they're not ours ! They're God's. That's why He can take it away from us anytime He wants. I realized, "why do I have this terrible fears ?", maybe it's because I was holding everything too tight. I felt that that is mine, I fought my way for it, and I deserved it ! Well, I was wrong.

I have to let it go, the more you hold on to something, the more pain you'll have. Like what my boyfriend always said, "Have faith in God, everything is for the best". He's right, even if I won't get what I want, maybe it's for the best. Maybe God has a bigger and better plan for me. And even if my boyfriend and I do not make it in the future, maybe it's for the sake of us too, maybe God has a different plan for us. And there's no point on fighting God's will, believe everyhting is for the best.

The best thing that happened last night was, we made a deal, that if we really do break up in the future, the worst thing we can be is "best friend". I thank him for that. He's so precious to me, but I have to realize that he's not mine. I have to realize that whatever happen in the future, it's for our best.

But that doesn't mean that I won't fight for him, that if one problem come up, I'll just give up, NO ! You to fight for what you love, but you have to know when to quit to. You have to know when it's time to let go.

A lesson well learned, thank you Thomas, and thank you God.

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I have a boyfriend now !

I would like to start my comeback by updating my relationship status. I know it's late, since the event was actually happened in February, but what the heck. So, if you've read my blog, you know that I've posted one or two articles about this guy, and now that he's my boyfriend, I think I can say it out loud that the guy's name is Thomas.

Jeez, quite a history I have with this guy. Almost 1 and a half year. We started out as friends, then became best friends and so on. I was waiting for so long, and now my wait is over. He confessed to me about his feelings on February 9th 2009. It's the day when we became boyfriend and girlfriend. My happiest day so far.

And now, we have been in a relationship for almost 4 months. I'm very happy, he's always there for me, and he's just such a nice guy. I love him, and although we will be apart for the next 4 years, I hope that our relationship will last.

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Not now, not yet....

I've deleted my three previous post (A Letter for Him, 7 Days, and 7 Things). I just thought that now is not the right time yet. I don't know when.....maybe sometimes in the future, or maybe I would not even have the chance......who knows...Everything is a blur, yet it is so clear. It is so simple, yet he makes it so complicated. Maybe I no longer care.....maybe I was wrong all along the way.....maybe this was actually not meant to be.....who knows ?

"Who knows where the road will lead us ? Only a fool would say.....but if you let me love you, it's for sure I'm gonna love you....all the way...."

All the Way - Frank Sinatra

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Dedikasi untuk 26 September 2008

Ehhmmm...If I may say...*halaahh...sok2 pk bhs inggris sgala*...Eniweii...Post kali ini, akan gw dedikasikan, untuk tanggal 26 September 2008. Kenapa ? Ada beberapa hal kenapa...dan hal - hal berikut akan gw jabarkan...

Today, I've learned of things, one of them came as a shock to me *literally*...my heart nearly stopped, I, up until now, still refuse to believe in this "one thing"...

Okay, Lesson number one :

I just discovered, mungkin ga "just discovered" yah...gw udh tahu dr lama, klo gw tuh...BUTA JALAN, BUTA JAKARTA !!! Gw udh nyadar sih dari lama klo gw tuh buta Jakarta, hanya saja...pengalaman hari ini telah menegaskan dan menguatkan, and emphasized it...hehehe...Sumpah td gw pas ngelewatin gedung2 perkantoran tuh kek ank kampung baru masuk kota aja ! lo harus tanya temen gw aldo ! hahaha...kasian bgt tu org, hrs bersama gw di mobil selama lbh dr 2 jam ! Wakakakak...

Lesson number two :

EPSON dan FUJITSU itu di SAMPINGNYA BIZNET YAH !!! dan....FABER CASTELL tuh di JAKARTA BARAT !!! dan...CONCEPT MEDIA tuh di MENTENG DALAM, alias...TEBET/PANCORAN !!! Akhhh....udh jauh2 pergi...hahaha...g taunya nyasar...zzzzzzzzzz

Lesson number three :

Internet, especially BLOG, is not a smart place to share your personal and secret stories with....haaaaahhh....Gw cmn bisa cerita itu. Cerita lebih banyak lagi, gw hanya akan mengulangi kesalahan gw 2 kali...hahahaha...

Jadi, inilah 26 September 2008 bagi gw....dedikasi ku, kepada 26 September 2008.

Selesai. Wkwkwk.

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Roller Coaster Ride !

Seperti yang gw bilang di post gw sebelumnya, my love life recently is like a roller coaster ride. Satu hari bisa senang, riang, bersemangat, penuh harapan...tapi besoknya bisa langsung down, sedih, kecewa, putus asa...dan rasanya ingin nyerah aja. Satu contoh dari roller coaster ride itu yang paling mengena banget dan bener - bener bikin gw dalem banget...adalah kejadian pas malam sebelum ulang tahun gw yang ke-17. Gila ga tuh ? besoknya sweet 17, tapi malemnya malah ngerasain sedih, kecewa, nyerah dll.

Jadi ceritanya tuh....there's this guy...I like...hahahahaha....

Ruth curhat mode : on
Ruth romantic mode : on
Ruth nostalgic mode : on

Hahahahaha....

Iya, jadi gini...ada cowok yang gw suka. Anggaplah namanya si Oknum X. Gw udah suka sama dia sekitar 6 bulanan...sejak semester 2 klas 2. PDKT ? Udah ko...Hasil ? Nahh...ini dia...soal hasilnya gw ga yakin....hahahahaha...gw pikir dia juga sama - sama suka sama gw...tapi...pada tanggal 10 April 2008, kenyataan berkata lain...

Temennya si oknum X, yang deket sama gw dan yang selalu ngebantuin gw PDKT ma si oknum X ini...dia juga tempat gw curhat tentang si oknum X....banyak dehh jabatannya tuh orang ! Hahahahaha...

Nah, teman oknum X ini cerita ke gw....ini juga dia ceritanya beberapa hari setelah kejadiannya berlangsung. Teman oknum X ini beralasan dia ga tega ngasih tau gw ttg "hal ini". Dia malah pas chatting sempet nanya ke gw, "Ruth...menurut lo...kenyataan tuh lebih baik diketahui ga meskipun menyakitkan ?" Gw bilang, "Iya dong ! Lebih baik menerima kenyataan yang menyakitkan daripada kesenangan semu oleh kebohongan dan ketidaktahuan." Akhirnya....terbukalah pintu realita...

Teman oknum X ini cerita, jadi pas misa angkatan kemarin...dia khan duduk di samping oknum X. Lalu teman oknum X ini nanya ke oknum X, "ehh, X. Lo ko ga jadian aja sihh sama Ruth ?" Lalu oknum X menjawab, "gw lagi ga niat jadian untuk saat ini." Kalau soal dia-lagi-ga-niat-jadian sihh gw udah tau. Dan gw juga ga keberatan dengan hal itu, karena bagi gw yang paling penting adalah "perasaan suka gw terbalaskan".

Lalu...datanglah serangan kedua ! Temannya oknum X nanya lagi ke oknum X, "Hoo...trus kalau gitu, kalau misalnya "nanti" lo mau jadian...jadian sama siapa ? sama Ruth ?" Lalu oknum X dengan gampang dan jahatnya bilang, "ga ahh". Pas denger itu....gw langsung "DEGGG"..."ZLEBB" ! Ga jadian gw ga keberatan...tapi kalo dia udah ga suka, gw ga tahu harus berbuat apa lagi....

Tapi di samping sisi buruknya dari mendengar realita yang satu itu...di sisi lain entah kenapa...gw merasa lega. Kenapa ? Karena...selama ini gw selalu bingung. Bingung apa dia suka sama gw ato gak...bingung apa perlakuan dia yang ini dan itu ke gw tuh merupakan sinyal positif...ato emang gwnya yang kegeeran aja. Gw selalu dilanda kebiingungan kek begitu. Dan saat gw denger "ga ahh" itu...gw mendapatkan jawaban yang pasti. Kebingungan gw selama ini udah terjawab, meskipun jawabannya menyakitkan...tapi paling ga, gw udah ga kebingungan lagi...gw udah bisa lega, karena sekarang semuanya jelas. Ternyata dia ga suka sama gw.

Akhirnya...malam itu juga...malam sebelum ulang tahun gw yang ke-17. Gw membuat keputusan untuk mengakhiri semua ini. Gw memutuskan untuk melupakan dia, dan move on. Saat itu, keputusan gw udah bulat.

Esok hari pun datang, hari saat ulang tahun gw. Gw cerita ke temen sekelas gw, Via dan Veta...lalu gw juga cerita ke temen deket gw (yg jabatan lainnya di sekolah adalah biang gosip), Archie. Tapi dari semua curhat itu...yang paling mengena adalah curhat dengan Via. Kenapa ? Setelah gw bilang ke Via tentang keputusan gw, Via nanya, "Bener nihh Ruth ? YAKIN lo mau ngelepas dia ?". sebuah yes-no question yang sangat mudah dan simpel untuk dijawab....and yet...I couldn't answer it. Gw ga bisa menjawab pertanyaan itu. Gw cuma bisa terdiam...pas denger pertanyaan itu gw tuh langsung "DEGG" ! Suatu bukti dari ketidaksiapan gw melepas dia...tapi apa daya...tidak ada artinya mengejar sesuatu yang tidak bisa didapatkan. Gw berusaha keras ga ketemu sama oknum X dan mencoba ga ngeliat mukanya. Tapi...berhubung waktu itu gw ulang tahun, pasti ada acara SIRAM - SIRAMAN khan...

Pulang sekolah...gw papasan sama dia, trus tanpa gw kira...dia ngasih selamat ultah ke gw....kita salaman gitu. Padahal gw kira dia ga bakal ngasih selamat ke gw. Trus pas gw disirem sama temen - temen gw, dia juga ikut nyiram gw !!! Oh ya dan F.Y.I. gw disiram sama temen - temen gw pake adonan telor + air...lalu ada yang nyirem gw pake kecap asin juga...oh ya, ada juga yang nyirem gw pake ramuan cendol + onde - onde diremukin...dan yang terakhir...ada juga yang nyirem (atau mungkin lebih tepatnya...nyerbukin) gw pake KOPI BUBUK !!! Gile ga tuh ! Hahahahaha....

Oke...gw anggap dia-ngasih-selamat-ke-gw tuh normal...namannya juga "temen" lo ultah, masa ga disalamin....tapi besoknya...ada suatu hal yang lebih menggemparkan lagi !!!

Gw khan bikin acara traktir temen - temen gw gitu, dia termasuk dalam list undangan gw. Kita makannya di Warung Pasta, Kemang. Acaranya simpel...cuman makan - makan aja. Temen - temen gw yang cewek ngasih gw baju ZARA + buku Totto Chan, yang cowok pada ngasih buku. Tapi oknum X ga ngasih...gw juga ga mengharapkan dia ngasih sihh...dan dalam pikiran gw waktu itu, GA MUNGKIN juga dia bakal ngasih gw hadiah. Tapi...little did I know...my thoughts would soon be proven wrong.

Pas acaranya selesai nihh, gw khan ngedrop temen - temen gw ke Gonzaga (sekolah gw) lagi. Nahh temen - temen gw yang cewek dan dia tuh nebeng mobil gw sampe Gonzaga. Nahh temen - temen cewek gw ini mengatur sebagaimana rupa supaya di mobil tuh dia duduk di samping gw. Ga ngobrol apa - apa sihh pas di mobil. Secara gw waktu itu lagi skeptis, putus asa dan dalam usaha untuk melupakan dia. Lalu pas kita sudah sampai di Gonzaga pas temen - temen cewek gw udah pada turun...khan dia turunnya terakhir tuh, soalnya dia duduknya di samping gw. Sebelum dia turun, dia buka tasnya...trus ngambil sebuah kado dan bilang, "nihh". Gw saat itu kaget khan...kaget dan ga percaya. Gw bahkan ga bisa mikir saat itu...mungkin muka gw waktu itu kelihatan kek orang bego kali yah...soalnya waktu itu keknya gw tercengang - cengang dan bingung gitu ! trus dia blg lagi, "baik khan gw ?" sambil senyum. Gw cmn bisa senyum - senyum sambil masih tercengang - cengan.

Itulah turning point bagi gw. Dan saat itu gw sangat sangat bingung ! Di saat gw mo ngelepas dia, dia malah melakukan suatu hal yg bikin gw ga mau ngelepas dia. Ngapain juga ngasih kado ? Bikin orang bingung aja !!! Kenapa gw mempersalahkan banget soal ngasih-kado ini, soalnya...si oknum X ini tuh ga pernah ngasih kado ultah ke orang - orang ! Sama mantannya aja keknya ga dehh...ini yang bikin gw bingung...temen - temennya oknum X pas gw cerita tentang dia-ngasih-kado-ke-gw tuh pada kaget semua gitu. Yahh karena emang si oknum X ini ga pernah (jarang banget) ngasih kado ke orang ! Akhirnya....apa daya...kayaknya emang gw blom siap ngelepas dia dehh....

Bisa aja sihh gw jadi skeptikal dan menganggap bahwa kado itu ga berarti apa - apa...tapi, keknya hati gw memilih untuk mempercayai yang lainnya. Akhirnya...gw ga jadi ngelepas dia dehh....Tapi sekarang gw PDKTnya udah ga segencar yang dulu lagi...karena setiap kali gw berada di samping dia...realita seakan menampar gw, mengingatkan kembali ttg apa yang dikatakannya saat "misa". Jadi sekarang gw lebih menjaga jarak...lebih menahan diri. Dan sekarang gw mencoba santai...mencoba untuk membawa santai semua permasalahan ini. Dengan begitu, gw ga akan stress dan bingung...tapi di lain pihak gw masih bisa menikmati waktu gw saat bersama - sama dengan dia....hahahahaha....

Tak ada salahnya bersenang - senang saat jalan bareng...saat nonton bareng, tanpa harus memikirkan terlalu dalam soal "misa"....Jadi intinya...sekarang gw dibawanya santai aja !!! Hahahahaha....Nahh jadi beginilah Roller Coaster Ride gw !!! Hahahahaha....

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